Over the years I have spoken with many people about their survival relocation efforts. While each is unique, there is one group of people in awareness for whom I’ve never had a satisfying answer. These are young grandparents (typically in their 50s) with grown children raising underage grandchildren who are in denial, and who vehemently reject their parent’s loving offers of survival awareness and help.
Ridiculed by their children, the planning and preparation efforts of young grandparents often become paralyzed with an insolvable death wish sense of hopelessness. In this article I shall endeavor to give these tormented souls a possible source of new hope.
Is this a new problem? No! I’ve heard it time-and-again for more years than I wish to remember. Especially now, since beginning my Survival Wellness and Relocation Seminars. As part of the process I am selectively recruiting attendees into the new Survival Wellness Advocacy Guild. Talk is cheap and I’m looking for go-getters. What I didn’t expect was that this goal would bring me to a turning point.
The Turning Point
Recently I had to ask a young grandmother to stop and reconsider her interest in becoming a member of the Guild. She is a driven woman and with the potential of becoming a strong member of the Guild. However, because I saw her paralyzed by the denial of her own children, I had to decline her.
This is because, what I was forced to tell her was the truth, as I’ve had to do with many other young grandparents over the years. She and her children live in a ground zero area. The truth is simple. If you live in a ground zero area, death is virtually certain and the only upside is you may die quickly.
Ergo, she had one of two choices. To die with your loved ones, or to survive on her own with others. A gut-wrenching conundrum, I call “until death wish do we part.”
It was not the answer she wanted to hear and who can blame her. Her children are her life and her love for them both powerful and paralyzing at the same time. Like all the other tormented souls spoken with over the years, she is faced with the brutal truth of insoluble dilemma. That being, their children and grandchildren vis-à-vis their children are fated to die through arrogance and willful ignorance.
Even if she relocates elsewhere in a safe area and prepares a place for herself and her family, they are still likely doomed. As with all those in denial, they will caught up in the initial events and if they survived those, they will be terrified and hysterically emotional. Especially after martial law is declared and the highways are closed.
I know these young grandparents are coming to me in the hope that I can give them some kind of magical advice about how to break the paralysis. Some secret incantation such as supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, one can pronounce while waving a magic wand. Oh if only I could find such a bit of wonderful magic. It doesn’t exist, but what does, is a noble purpose.
A Noble Purpose
Absent a magical incantation, what have I been saying all these years do these young grandparents? Whether you choose to die with your loved ones, or to survive on your own with others, either choice is noble. If you choose to die with your loved ones as a direct consequence of their own denial and self-imposed ignorance, then do so with the intention of helping them to understand on that fateful day, that they are dying and that they do need to go to the light. This is that noble purpose.
Conversely, if they choose to survive on their own with others, this is an equally noble choice. The operative term is choice. People can choose to survive or to die. It is a matter of free will and this is the greatest gift to us from our Creator. Whether the choice is wise or unwise is not the issue. The right to make that choice is the only issue.
After telling this to my turning point young grandmother, I asked her to reconsider her situation and to make a choice, because until she made a choice, she would only bring her paralysis into my new Guild community. Tough love is no joy for me, and as we rang off, I knew two things. We would not speak again and there would be more like her because there always are. Worse yet, there will be even more to come in the future.
These conversations are as painful for me as it is for these unfortunate souls so at some point, even someone in my shoes has to say, “Dai!” a Hebrew word that essentially means, “Enough already!” “Quit it!” So after that conversation, I asked the Creator for an idea.
I got an answer and I call it the Dai Option. Maybe it will work for these poor tormented young grandparents, and maybe not. But at least it is an alternative to the brutal reality of “Until Death Wish Do We Part.”
From this point forward, I’m going to be speaking specifically to young grandparents, which is not to say that a self-devised variant of the Dai Option cannot be equally useful to others. It can.
The Dai Option
While circumstances vary between young grandparents, I continually see them doing the same exact awful, stupid, counterproductive mistake. They proselytize awareness to their children who are in denial. What they do not understand is by doing so, they are only digging deep graves for their own children and grandchildren.
Unfortunately, they’re so desperate this simple logic never seems to resonate with them. So all I can do is to ask them to watch my 2010 video, The Five Stages of Catastrophism for Those in Awareness, and hope for the best, though that is tenuous at best. This is because sometimes they tell me they have actually watched the video, and then continue to make the same mistake.
What they fail to grasp is you cannot save your children with childish logic, by assuming you can shout over someone’s denial to force them into awareness. This is because awareness is a personal event and that it must come to a person in the manner of his or her own choosing and time. When it does happen, there is no going back. It is why the elites know they cannot prevent anyone from coming into awareness and do not try. Rather, they focus their efforts on preventing those in awareness from reaching consensus.
But when frustrated young grandparents try to end run this natural process, their efforts become more like putting a grain of sand into an oyster. The oyster builds a pearl around it because it is an irritant. Likewise, the children, like oysters create multiple layers of defense over their own denial. The result is that persistent young grandparents become progressively more ostracized and paralyzed. The shame of it is that the more layers of denial the children pile on, the more likely it is that they and their families will die badly.
Yet, young grandparents cannot see this because they’ve been driven crazy by their own love for their children in denial. So they become living examples of Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity. They keep “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
For this reason, if a young grandparent has any hope of saving a child in denial the first thing they must do is to cease and desist their insane awareness proselytizing behaviors. “Dai!” Enough already. Quit it! Quit it! Quit it!
So if insanity will not work, what can be done?
Change the Conversation
Changing the conversation is the only possible way for frustrated young grandparents to stop the insane proselytizing of awareness. Change to what. Start talking about free will in a manner that will get the child’s attention.
For a sample scenario, we will use a young grandparent by the name of Mary and her married daughter, Ruth.
In this example, Mary does the following five things:
- Stops talking about awareness with her daughter Ruth. This breaks the chain of aggravation.
- Goes to the store and buys an extra large, blank greeting card. Nothing too ornate and it must be blank.
- Writes Ruth a handwritten message. The writing must legible! Print by hand if necessary. The card is only addressed to the child. Not to a child and a spouse or significant other.
- Mail the card to Ruth via restricted certified mail with return receipt and no return address on the envelope.
- Never speaks about awareness or survival again, nor about any prior issues including the letter.
Why a certified letter? There is an old saying. “Nobody ever says I love you with a certified letter.” In other words, the recipient knows this is an important message and that it is in no way trivial. Especially if he or she has to personally sign for it because the card was mailed with the restricted service.
With return receipt, Mary will have proof that Ruth personally received the message, which will be memorable and there will be no chance of an “I never got it, it must have been lost in the mail” excuse.
Sample Letter to Ruth
With this in mind, let’s look at a sample letter that Mary could write to Ruth, and following that, how Mary will respond to Ruth when she no doubt calls after receiving the card.
My Dearest Daughter Ruth:
I write you with great love and fondness to tell you that this tension between us regarding my awareness of coming catastrophic or changes shall never trouble our relationship again. It is not to say dear daughter, that I have changed my mind, for I have not. Rather I am writing you to admit my own failing as a parent.
You came into this world with your own God-given right of free will. As your mother, I have done you a disservice by not respecting your right to exercise your free will and to thereby choose your own fate and that of your loved ones. You are a capable person and I love you for your wonderful abilities. It is why I can understand your perceptions and why you likewise understand mine.
Given where you and your family presently live, all of you are in harm’s way and will most likely will perish.. However, your choice to remain in this location is not a matter of being wise or unwise. It is simply a matter of choice and I want you to know that I do respect your right to make that choice.
As for myself, I will continue as before and continue making plans to survive the coming tribulation with like-minded others – whoever they may be. Heartbreak notwithstanding, life is for the living and I have chosen to live and to pursue a noble purpose through service to others. It is my desire to walk humbly with my God, by helping those whom I can, with whatever remains of my life.
Whether your choice or my choice is the wise course of action, time can only say. But should your choice bring you and your loved ones to an untimely end while I soldier on, I will mourn you each day and pray for the joy of eventually meeting you once again, in God’s loving embrace.
So in closing, my beloved daughter, I now give you my promise and covenant that we will never speak of this again. May this bring a much-needed peace and healing between us.
Your devoted and loving mother, Mary
The key points to remember about a letter such as this are as follows:
- The letter can only be addressed to the child by the parent. There must be absolutely no mention of a spouse or significant other. Doing so will only cause pointless tension.
- In this example, there was only one child, but in cases where there are multiple children, each child must receive a personally addressed letter. No grouping.
- Use a gracious and loving address for the child. Not once, but often throughout the letter. Remember, others will probably be reading this correspondence and the use of a loving address will remind them they are reading a very personal form of correspondence.
- There must be nothing authoritarian, judgmental or harsh in the tone of the letter. If you get into the “I told you so mode,” you’ll fail miserably and create an unnecessary family crisis. Always remember, others may read this letter.
- By proselytizing awareness to your adult child you would have done something wrong. You need to apologize for that and cease the behavior. This is vital to breaking the chain of conflict.
- Acknowledge an adult child’s right to choose, without judgment or reservation. Their choice is their choice. Your choice is your choice. That’s all there is. Leave judgment to the man with the gavel.
- Be sure to close the letter with a promise and covenant that you will never speak of the topic ever again.
Will the topic go dark between you and the child? Of course not as is demonstrated in this example call from Ruth to her mother Mary after receiving the card.
- Ruth: “Oh my God, Mother, what is this crazy card you have sent me?”
- Mary: “Ruth, so glad you called. I just watched that new Interstellar at the new IMAX theater at the mall. Oh my, what a fabulous experience.”
- Ruth: “What are you talking about, Mother? I am talking about this card you just sent me!”
- Mary: “You know, Matthew McConaughey, is getting a little gray at the temples, but he’s still a hunk. Don’t you think so?”
- Ruth: “Mother, I am so tired of your crazy tribulation talk Now you’re just trying to find a new way to mess with my head and I’m sick of it!
- Mary: “You know Anne Hathaway plays this lady astronaut in the move and she looks really convincing in a space suit. You could say she’s got the right kind of figure for it, so I had to laugh during the movie because of a thought which came to me. What would Marilyn Monroe have looked like in the same space suit? Isn’t that funny?”
- Ruth: “Mother, please stop this nonsense right now and talk to me about this card!”
- Mary: “I love it when you call Ruth, but right now I have to go. I promised a friend to be somewhere soon. Give the kids lots of big warm hugs and kisses for me. Toodles.” [Mary hangs up.]
The point here is that when you say in your certified letter, “we will never speak of this again” it means exactly that. That you will never speak of it ever again and each time the child tries to dredge up the issue, you redirect the conversation with something frivolous and entertaining. Assuming a young grandparent employs the Dai Option, here is what can be gained.
The Benefits of the Dai Option
Assuming you are a young grandparent who has employed the Dai Option, will you sit there afterward, in agony regretting having written the letter? No, because this is what is called tough love and it is a two-way street.
What will happen is that you have given your child’s denial behavior a Pyrrhic victory that will haunt them. Furthermore, you reinforce the impact of that haunting victory with rigid silence. By changing the conversation and keeping it that way, what you’ve have done it to hit the reset button on the problem.
This, in turn could be a useful catalyst for bringing children in denial to awareness, if for no other reason that to prove you wrong. In any case, it will stay in their mind like a starched crease and it may provoke them to take action before their last window of survival opportunity closes.
While the Dai Option may not give you the comfort you seek, keep one thing in mind. It will help you to cope. This is because you will replace your mental images of your own anguish about your child’s denial, with new images.
New images of you going to the store, buying a card, writing a letter, taking it to the post office and getting the return receipt in your mailbox.
Then, you do exactly what you say you’re going to do in the letter. You begin to seriously plan and prepare to survive with as many like-minded others as possible. No more talking! Talk is cheap. Like Yoda says, “Do or do not. There is no try.”
If your children happen to be in that crowd, nothing could be sweeter. If not, then you will have no regrets about your own failing as a parent.
Rather, you will have a life of purpose because instead of forcing your children against their free will, you will have chosen to lead yourself, by having the courage to become a majority of one.
Bottom line. Are you a tormented young grandparent and will this work for you? That’s a good question and unless you try it, or something like it, then you’re back to the same old choice: To survive with like-minded others or to find peace with a death wish.